Half the 'stache, half the player

somehow I forgot to tell this story a few weeks ago (when Gonzaga played at Santa Clara), but that sketchy motherfucker is my best friend (he goes to Santa Clara) and that line on his sign belongs to my creative genius (I actually thought it was rather lame). Anyways, his sketchiness attracted both an AP photographer and a ESPN.com columnist (pretty cool story for your kids I guess: "one time, when I was in college, I looked so dirty with my shitstache that...), but I'm sad to say it doesn't quite compare to this gem:

To: Adam Morrison
From: Adam Morrison's Mustache

Dude, you know I love you, but I think we should see other people. No, it's not you... It's me. I'm just not where I need to be in order to make this relationship work. No, this doesn't have anything to do with the fact that all the other mustaches make fun of me. This is something I just have to do. For me. Fine, I won't lie to you Adam, it does hurt when Jake Plummer and Tom Selleck's mustache ask if the other half of me is on layaway. Or when Bill Cowher's mustache asks to see my ID whenever I try to get a drink at the bar. But that's not why I'm doing this. Next year you're going to be in the NBA. Where do I fit into your plans? Larry Bird shaved off his wispy 'stache a few years into his career. Is that what you're planning on doing with me? Maybe it is a pre-emptive strike, Adam, but what do you expect? I see the way you look at other mustaches. I know you've been searching the internet for black market Propecia and Rogaine samples. You thought I was sleeping, but I wasn't. Do you know how much that hurts? After all we've been through? I've stuck by you even when Dan Dickau has drunk-dialed me late at night and offered me a first-class plane ticket to meet him out in Boston. Did I go? No, I stayed with you, Adam. But I can't do that any more. It's time. I really wanna work this out, but I don't think you're gonna change. I do, but you don't, think it's best we go our separate ways. And yes, you can have your Usher CD back.

This and more Valentine's Day hilarity can be found here