sometimes people astound me

in not very good ways.

Consider the most recent evidence of people being complete dumbasses to draw my ire: the LeBron James commercial. You know, the one where he effortlessly shoots jumpers from the corner at the OTHER end of the court -- smooth, easy 94 foot jumpers, swishing about every one to the absolute astonishment of all onlookers. Powerade or something. (previous ads in the same vein included that crazy tsunami surfing one and Michael Vick throwing the football out of the stadium)

So that's the commercial, right. Now to what irks me. To preface, I realize not everyone is a sports fan. Not everyone is a basketball player, or has even ever held a basketball before. These people are strange in their own right, but I am willing to give them a break. Sort of.

After all, such people are human. They live on Earth. They deal with basic, fundamental things like gravity -- and weight, and momentum, etc. -- every day. Whether they care to admit it or not, their brains, no matter how rudimentary, understand physics. Or so I thought.

Then I began making fun of the few morons (mainly blonde girls, to further offend people) who I'd heard ask if the commercial was real. Are you fucking kidding me? Honestly, are you fucking kidding me? If people can't figure this out on their own, I am ashamed to be human, to even make use of the mental capacity I thought we all shared (in fact, writing this is probably an exercise in futility since it seems doubtful that your neurons would facilitate reading).

He's flicking his wrist and a basketball is flying 94 feet!!!! Not to mention going in every time. Yeah, 100 percent real, obviously. Worse, among the believers were people who had played basketball themselves!!! Yet here was everyone, numbly accepting this unparalleled jumpshooting display without hesitation. Without thought. ("Me no think. Me watch TV.")

I mean, how sad is it that lay people can be so moronic as to buy into the LeBron hype enough to equate his feats to essentially miracles. For Christ's sake (future pun intended), he's LeBron James, not Jesus.

To my absolute astonishment, in the course of my criticism (i.e. thrashing tirade), I encountered rockheads who actually had the complete lack of intellect necessary to express total disbelief upon learning that it WASN'T real. Imagine that, props and kudos go to the blonde dumbasses who at least questioned the validity of the obviously manufactured commercial to begin with. Who would have thought that level of reasoning was actually at the upper end of the human spectrum?

Let us, for a moment, operate under such a blind, unquestiong acceptance of anything presented to us on tv for a moment (shouldn't be too hard, you all seem to already). Did anyone take the next, logical step and stop for even a second to think that such an amazing skill would revolutionize (and kill) the game of basketball? Dribbling would be unnecessary. Defense would have to cover, well, every single inch of the court. And sheesh, the ball is flying 94 feet (not to mention probaby 45 feet high) with the freaking FLICK of a WRIST. Try it sometime. Or just think about it. Is it anywhere close to possible? No. Of course not.

But I guess if you're dumb enough to believe it in the first place, all semblance of logic, and the extension of reasoning beyond what is hand fed to you (even if it is egregiously false -- and explicitly meant to be so), is absent from your thought processes entirely.

You people disgust me.


I bet you think JFK was killed by Lee Harvey Oswald, too.