and the dream goes down in flames

Now, I truly despise people with away messages and the like meant to arouse sorrow and compassion from others while he or she wallows in misery and despair. Making personal pain public for exhibitionist reasons or whatever the motivation -- that is something I will never understand. On the other hand, I only do this because people I'm close to like to know about the life and times of DTM, and heck, most of them know all the shit before it gets written up here anyways, so I'm not wowing the world here or anything. But still, fuck people who post things for sympathy. So this post is not meant to do that. Instead, it is meant to mark today, May 1, 2005 as the shittiest day in my life in a long time (even though I didn't quite realize how important it had become to me), and I hope that when I look back and see this in a year or two, I will indeed laugh (as the email said) as the power of DTM will have taken me far beyond the narrow view of desolation for my life that I have right now.