the dissoultion of my world

I know I said I wouldn't blog again till after D.C., but today had as worthy a moment as ever before experienced by yours truly. Yes, today my life was forever changed. Let me set the scene:

I walk into my Phil 47 class, only to find the girl who always sits nearby shifted one seat over from her established perch, which is an unprecedented occurance. Slightly thrown off by this, I decide to maintain our usual 1-empty-seat separation and shift one seat over as well. As I sit down and get my notebook out, she says, "you'll be in the picture if you sit there." At this point I notice the photographer in the front of the class, and things start to make a little more sense. A brief inquiry reveals that this girl is apparantly the subject of a story for Carolina Alumni Review.

Now, let me tell you about this girl. She is very pretty -- beautiful, gorgeous, the like. I have never really talked to her except in passing, but in class we always make little jokes and stuff back and forth. So anyways, she's the type of girl I would love to see out at a party and go talk to. That's the extent of our relationship; nothing more, nothing less.

Anyways, it's the day before spring break and I'm feeling a little lighthearted, I've got a little spunk. So I pursue the conversation more ardently then in the past. Some might call it flirting, but I'm really bad at that so I think it was more just awkward conversation. So I ask her what the article's about, and she tells me they are doing a piece on "non-traditional students."

My first thought: she's like a model or something who goes to school part-time and travels a lot or something along those lines. (you see the level of my infatuation).

I decide to probe further. What ensued was glorious:

me: "Non-traditional, huh. What's that mean?"

her: "I'm old."

me: "Old?" (total cofusion sets in)

her: "Yeah, they are doing a story on me and Phyllis because of our age." (Phyllis, I later learn, is also in our class -- the seating shift was made so that they could sit together for the photo)

me: "how old are you? 24?" (I know this is never a question to ask a girl, much less venture a possibly comprimising guess, but I'm perplexed as to how being 24 makes her worthy of a story for the alumni magazine)

her, in a stunningly firm voice that showed both annoyance with my persistence and self-confidence issues on hers: "I'm 38."

holy shit.

That fucking floored me. 38?!?! Are you fucking kidding me? I couldn't say anything, I litterally had a bit of a choking reaction initially, which had to weird her out a little bit. Needless to say the conversation ended, on my part due to the fact that I have never been in greater disbelief of anything in my life and couldn't come close to formulating anything that would hold any semblance of composure. I was WRECKED, frazzled beyond belief. This girl who I'd been semi-lusting after was OLD, and I'd come nowhere close to recognizing it. I kind of stared at her after she told me, and I still couldn't believe it. I still am not sure if I do. Hell, I'd ask the girl out right now -- maybe just to say I'd hit on a 38 year-old, but still. Hell, she's not even a girl! She's a damn woman. She might have fucking kids.


My life will never be the same.