warning

in the interest of full disclosure, I owe it to my future roommates and everyone else to share a little look into exactly what and who is DTM before he descends on them like a coordinated pterodactyl attack next year.

During finals, we all get to see the madness the week induces in fellow students, most of it completely false and for show (why? who knows, but people do it and all the sheep are more than happy to follow). Phipps summed it up hilariously, so there is no need for I. I only hope that the vast majority of that writeup is pure fiction (and that Jimmy, who is a Davis frequenter, doesn't fit the profile) and that the reason Alex is so attune to the reality of the situation is because he has the mind and eye of a writer (which I claim to have, thus my ability to perceive final week's truth without actually experiencing it personally) and not because he has the mind and eye of one of the pathetics.

So, to begin, this week is the time that I laugh. I laugh at people as they pretend to worry and pretend to study hard and pretend to stay up all night and pretend that by doing all that crap and bitching they actually help their cause. I laugh because I know I will never study for a final until the day before I have it (and when it comes down to it, they probably don't either) -- I can't, I need the pressure . I laugh because I have never in my life spent more than 4 hours studying for a test, even a dreaded FINAL. Nor will I ever (oh shit, nevermind, forgot about the LSAT). But even then, in drunken hubris, I told Alex I wouldn't study for that. At all.

But behind all my laughter is the truth: I am the ultimate nerd. The reason I laugh is because I never have any work to "catch up" on, I never have multiple chapters to read, no last-minute papers to write. I have never pulled an all-nighter (al-nachter for all you Daily Show watchers -- that is, the ones who watched the show BEFORE it became popular........btw, I wonder why I seem to get such an inordinate and sad amount of pride about being ahead of the sheep. It's like what I define myself by.). I have never "bombed" a test or even done "average" in a course (I better crank this post out before I get my reporting grade back...speaking of which, $50, Ryan, hand it over).

But all this laughter does have it's price, and it comes in at a pretty immense cost.

I stay in on Thursday nights. I do my homework the day I get it -- which is part of my generally enforced policy to never do homework during the period stretching from 7 p.m. Friday until I wake up Monday, whenever humanly possible. I not only read the textbook, sometimes, get this, I read ahead. I write papers weeks in advance. I am meticulous in my work ethic. I am the epitome of a perfectionist. I may have the gift of intelligence, but I work harder than darn near everyone -- and I honestly hate the people who work harder than me. As in, the ones who do all this work just like me every semester AND perform the unnecessary finals rites as well. As in, Ryan (jk......sort of). You see, I am the ultimate nerd.

I don't hide it. But I far from advertise it as well (see recluse status). I am not ashamed, but peer pressure is a hell of a drug, and it's hard to continually tell people who cannot understand my disease how much of the ultimate nerd I am. And they don't understand how they can't change me, even after they adopt me as their personal reclamation project. But try as they might, they cannot alter DTM's nature. Yes, I will always be the ultimate nerd, it is who I am and no matter the logic (and I even SEE the logic, that's the thing), no matter the reasoning (reasoning, a nerd's best friend!), no matter the alternative (i.e. fun), my school work absolutely CONSUMES me.

But during finals, O glorious week, it all switches. The socially-competent students run helter-skelter for the shelter (wow, rhyming) of the libraries and for one brief week, I can relax. At least on the days that don't see an exam on the morrow ; -)

I hope that enlightens The Family and Friends as to the true being of DTM. Somehow, though my ultimate nerdiness has never been fully out in the open, I doubt it comes as much of a surprise to any of you or my other friends. In fact, that's kind of why I think we're friends. My ultimate nerdiness is impossible to hide, and you all are just nice enough, have just enough pity, or in some cases have just enough nerdiness yourselves, to still tolerate me and my antics.