one reason help didn't quite get to New Orleans

The best Buntingism ever

We all know and love the idiosyncracies of our "toughnosed football player"-turned coach. But Skip recently pointed out the method behind the madness, revealing the genius that so often lies behind what to us simpleminded folk appears mere stupidity.

Bunting simply hates playing teams that don't sport the red and white. And he schedules with this firmly in mind.

George Bush don't like black people

more food for thought (image-driven and musically accompanyed this time) stemming from Kanye's nervously inarticulate -- or at least confusing -- comments. But at least he had the courage to say something on his mind and controversial, which pretty much nobody does anymore.

stolen from Mike T via Rell's blog, so the generous "finding fees" I'm so used to receiving from my fans should be directed their way -- this time. And just a general reminder for the future: make checks payable to Daniel P. Findlay. thanks.

Ligers

I must confess that I am enough of a nerd to have been a gigantic liger fan even before Napoleon Dynamite. They are simply the second coolest animal on earth, behind the noble, don't-stray-into-my-territory-or-I'll-trample-you-and-your-children-because-I'm-a-kickass moose.

Staggeringly, I've recently encountered some non-believers -- and I've been shocked and appalled to hear how many of you there are out there, waltzing around thinking this incredible creature is merely a mythological, well, myth -- so I decided to perform my didactic function as teacher of the world and present some evidence from (where else?) google video (but with no real video) and wikipedia.


(did you know they have no growth inhibitor gene so they get huge as fuck and that they love the water?)

Nivar

I recently recieved this email from my high school Spanish teacher. I will reproduce it here in its glorious entirety.

Subject: What's up my Nizzel???????

Body: There are haters out there yo! Trying to keep a player down, but I have too much game!

Crush the Blue Devils

I would normally think it rather strange, but a year ago -- the last time he wrote -- I received a similarly rad message ...

I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one. Hit me.

together, I think this body of work represents the finest email philosophy ever conceived. I bow to Nivo's greatness.

We beat State

Hell yeah! John Bunting does it every time you think he can't (and maybe don't want him to).

Q: What is Bush's position on Roe vs. Wade?

A: He really doesn't care how people get out of New Orleans.

He can't ring my bell

apparently the apartment lifestyle has reduced my blog entries to a mere collection of links (which is what the original blogosphere was all about, isn't it?). Anyways, I may or may not be apologizing for this, but I do recommend this particular one highly.

I truly cherish living with Christopher Michael Butts

from the man himself:

"Last night, I killed a bunch of people."

then, upon me turning to him in utter astonishment -- which I think, while wholly merited, took him by surprise, at least until he re-thought what he'd just said.

"In my dream, I mean. And the weird thing is, I only did it because I wanted to see what it felt like. I was killing everyone, even my friends. Not my good friends, though, but I shot one guy right between the eyes!"

I hope you seen it.

I love this show.

If you don't like it or don't watch it, you're not cool and we're not friends. That said, I don't think but the weird ones among you will appreciate it at the same unhealthly level I do. But, then again, here you are, reading this, so you just might have what it takes.

as unnofficial google pr guy and promoter

I present a feel-good story about the amazing power of the global dominator (twenty years ago who would have ever imagined):

hell yes

utter genius

maybe a little diluted by its vast scope, but still a true example of hilarity

I truly cherish living with Christopher Michael Butts

(the first in what will likely be a continuing series)

from the man himself (and completely devoid of context):

"Don't I look like I'm going to rape your mom?"

One (or is it two?) more (sexist?) reason Roy is the man

iPod nano

I want one really, really bad.


if I tried to get a free one, would you help me?

Dasani my ass

OK.

This tirade has been brewing for awhile. It's one I've had since before the Land of Blog, and have hence had no outlet for (Sort of like Starfucks -- can there really be a legitimately acceptable explanation for having 18 stores in the course of 11 blocks? I don't care what business philosophy you subscribe to, the answer is no.) No outlet, until now, that is. Brace yourself.

Don't buy water. That's pretty much my main argument. No, wait, let me rephrase. If you buy water, you are stupid. Really stupid. At least bottled water (sometimes fast food restuarants fuck you over and make you pay for a cup).

Look, we live in America (this argument doesn't hold true to travelers in foreign lands who are looking to avoid unpleasant bodily experiences -- although I tend to believe that's a bunch of crap, too (not literally). (why not drink the tap water and just challenge your immune system, give it a chance to improve, test it out and find its strengths and weaknesses, or better yet, just believe in your health and let the mind conquer all?)

but back to my point. Water is a rip off. In all other cases. Look for drinking fountains. They are everywhere. They are free. Sometimes they are cold. Sometimes they are not. Grow some balls and deal with it. It's better than PAYING FOR WATER -- the most abundant natural resource on this planet. And as for you, "But it comes from a mountain spring!" bullshit spouters, I've got news for you. No it doesn't.

Perhaps I'm just a spoiled brat raised on crystal-clear Rocky Mountain runoff, but you'll never convince me there's ANY reason to pay for water (get a damn coke for all I care). It's so logical, so cheap, so perfect, so sane.

Which is why I'm not surprised all you fuckers fall for its hollow, nonexistent, hoodwinking allure.

(why does this issue arise so much hate in my soul? I mean, I know I'm an angry person, but still...it begs questions)

would not it be cool?

if these words meant these things instead?

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.), emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), the belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men

willy-nilly has got to be the best, but pokemon definitely drew a chuckle...

on the heels of some intensive introspective reflection

I've determined I'd make either the world's worst boyfriend of all time or a rather decent one.

and most likely both.